Ask for what you Want

About ten years ago a book reader wrote to me saying she wanted to do my course but she had no money. She told me how she wanted to run women’s empowerment programs in the Maldives and she went on to tell me how she planned to do this. She also promised to pay the course fee when she made enough money.  I agreed to her request and she went on to run women’s empowerment programs in her country and in other countries under the United Nations Development program. She also started a hospitality training school and every trainee who went through her program was taken through my life coaching process. Sadly, Anthu passed in a tragic accident but she left me feeling privileged to have known her and fortuante to have made it possible for her to empower others. She gave me a reason to feel good about saying ‘yes’. She honoured her commitment to pay the course fee, even when I said it wasn’t necessary.

At one time I offered a scholarship to my life coach training course and I received a ton of requests. Most of those requests told me about their needs, why I should give them the course. Only two people told me what they would do with the knowledge that they gained from the course. The person that I gave the scholarship to told me about her commitment and that is why I chose her. So when asking for something think about what benefit there is for the person granting your request. When you ask with wisdom, your focus is more on giving rather than just getting.

Whenever I am coaching someone and they talk about what they want but don’t have yet, I often ask, What does it look like? In one instance I asked a man what ‘love’ looked like and he had no idea. He spent the next few months observing people expressing love until he became very clear on how he wanted to give and receive love. When I’ve asked the question, “What does success look like?” some people have been surprised by their own definitions, their answers have sometimes led them to reassess their goals. When I’ve asked people, “If you had enough time what would you do?” often they have had no idea.

When asking for what you want be very clear about the feeling you are seeking and be open that it may be fulfilled in a different way to what you imagine. Establish the habit of asking for what you want. You can ask for a hug, for someone to listen, for help or support, for money or for clarity. You can ask ‘How can I let go of this fear?” There is really nothing that you can’t ask for. Always remember though when asking someone to give you something, think about what you can give back to them.